Peeping Tom.

Don't you wish that you could be a fly on the wall? A sneaky little, creepy little fly on the wall ... don't worry, I'm just being Miley.

But honestly, are you ever so wrapped up in yourself that it makes you stop and wonder what others think of you, your actions, your behavior?

I have a shitty apartment in a really hip neighborhood - so hip that it's on the border of the ghetto ... you know, how SoHo and SoBe and WeHo all became trendy ... borderline ghetto.
Anyway, tonight was just another typical weekend night where I buy the jug version of my favorite wine, cuddle on the sofa w/ Bella and watch a movie that tends to draw unappealing emotions. I love this apartment.

I live on the second floor, on the corner, and Bella is sure to alert me of anyone - and I mean anyone (even a car driving by) that passes my living room window.
Bella, who thinks she's a cat, loves to sit on top of the loveseat and stare out the window ... she shoves my light-canceling curtains back, thus never getting full use of them.
In short, pretty much anyone can see directly into my apartment.

Tonight, as my emotions got the best of me, I quickly caught myself and cranked my head toward the window to be sure no one saw the tears welling in my eyes. This got me thinking, although technically illegal, wouldn't you love to just have half an hour to observe that someone special in your life?
Look, you think you know them ... you've known them long enough to understand their habits and you hear them talk about what they do when they're alone. But it's got to be completely eye-opening to watch a person in their natural state, and truly learn what they're like.

I'm sure if someone had this ability to view me, they'd realize how big of a dork I am:
I mostly have no pants on, I talk to my dog like she's a baby, I fart and belch and watch TV shows I dare not mention in public.
It's odd, but after thinking about it, shouldn't I be able to do all these things in front of someone I care the most about? Yet, why don't/didn't I?

I think I've come to this realization early in life...
Who cares?
People that know me, know I'm weird.
I know this because, in many cases, the people I befriend or even guys I've dated have told me so; "You're so weird," they say.
But I enjoy hearing this because they say it as if it were refreshing.
There's no pretense w/ me. No bullshit.

Given the chance, would I still want to be seen in public w/ the guy who walks around his apartment in a witch hat, boxers, glasses and eating Kix cereal while watching Will & Grace?
You betcha.
That level of dorkiness only turns me onto that particular person more - it would allow me to see their true self.

As I looked out my open window while tears streamed down my face, I became self-aware that my current life is already a window w/0 light-canceling curtains ... and I couldn't be more comfortable.