Seasons.

I don't know if you know this, but there are four seasons in a year.
Now, in Texas, it may actually seem like there are just two, but I digress.

I was just getting ready for fall not too long ago ... the weather has finally cooled down and I no longer break into a sweat walking from my car to class.
Summer's over!
Aaaand winter's here.

Wait.
What?!
Winter?!?

Where the fuck did fall go?

I've got a big beef curtain about this because fall is my favorite time of the year!
(Please tell me ya'll know the disgusting, yet genius term - beef curtain)

When I lived in Iowa, it had become tradition to make a trip up to the SW corner of Wisconsin to see the beautiful shades of amber, orange, yellow and red in the trees on the bluffs of the Mississippi River. It also meant walking through the orchards of Gays Mills and visiting Sherman's Pumpkin Patch in Manchester and taking your family pictures in the red wagons and harvested corn stalks.

Well apparently, my favorite season of the year - much like the Pacific Ocean (tectonic plates, ya'll) - is shrinking.

I'd just gotten rid of my boner from Halloween weekend (seriously some sexy people out there) and went to my nearest Starbucks the morning of November 1.
I ordered my regular, gave the barista $4.51 and she hands me a tall red, snowflake-adorned cup.
"Excuse me miss, this isn't what I ordered."
"Venti vanilla latte, right?"
"Yeeeah, but I'm not about to show up to work w/ a Christmas mug!"
"Ha ha - we just got those in yesterday! Cute, right?! Have a good day!"

Ewww, sick. Two hours previous to this scenario, I was dreaming of how fat I'd be after an amazing tri-helping of Thanksgiving dinner! You know, that day where everyone eats turkey, gets drunk and passes out during a football game??

Ringing any bells??

Don't worry - if you forgot about this holiday, you're apparently not alone.
Walgreens is playing Christmas music and red and green are puking out of the primary aisles.
People are Facebooking/Tweeting about how their Christmas trees are already up - with damn presents underneath them!!!
Mariah Carey, who's been sitting at home for two years, getting pregnant, decides to break her silence w/ a Christmas album! She releases it in October (I forgive her though, because she's fucking crazy)!
I opened my Gmail a week ago and my mom (who's also a little crazy) sent me an itinerary for my Christmas flight home ... she just booked a flight - a NINE DAY STAY.

I guess I'm just a little upset.
I don't want to trade in trunks and a margarita for a turtleneck and eggnog ... or, in the Wolfe Family's case, shots of Goldschlagger.
To make things worse, everyone's going nutzo at work because "Black Friday" (the huge shopping day after Thanksgiving) apparently has a precursor ... and our clients want their heavy campaigns for Christmas sales set to run the week prior to "Black Friday."

...phone call w/ client:
Ben: "So, you want your ad to advertise a sale the week before Black Friday?"
Client: "Yeah, that way we can release another ad campaign the week of Black Friday advertising the sales we'll have after Black Friday."

I mean - does that even make sense??

I just want fall to still exist, because I really want to eat, get drunk and pass out to a football game.