Home

Landed.
Not enough snow for my taste.
More, more, more.

Why do I always pshyc myself out?
Never listen to weather forecasters - they're liars.
I think becoming a meteorologist was the fall-back plan for them when their daytime-soap-opera-acting gig didn't go through.
They enjoy the drama and craze of telling people to prepare for the worst ... but it never happens.
Grr.
The eight inches Eastern Iowa was supposed to receive between today and Christmas has turned into two inches ... maybe.

But, I'm here. At home. With the family.
And, it's like I never left.

After being picked up from the airport, I drove to Iowa City to see one of my best friends, Jessie Behnken. We made fun of people at the mall, went to Target and lunched at Chili's.
I drove up to Manchester, saw all the sibs and we decided to head to the grocery store.
I must be too silly for the conservative population of Manchester because I caused scene after scene in that dinky store.

I had all five of us drive one tiny cart.
We blocked multiple aisles at one time. I bumped into another woman's cart, but said sorry for drinking and driving - she didn't find it funny.
I hit on some employees - the checkout girl wasn't into me. I guess I came on too strong ("So, do you go here?").
I was wearing skinny jeans and my New Balance 578's (kind of chunky), a look that won't be a trend around here for another five years (people still wear carpenter jeans, granted some may actually be carpenters).
My kid-sister, Anna said, "Can we get out of here? People are criticizing you."
But I took it in stride - is it bad I kind of love it.
Sure, call me a fag or frown disapprovingly - ya'll can blow me, because I'm with my favorite people in the world, and we're having fun. I'm one of the few who actually made it out of this town, so when I come back, you know I'ma shake it up!
We ended the night w/ a chicken dinner, piano duets and played Apples to Apples: Bible Edition (Virgin Mary took the round when the green card was 'hot.')

Mom gets a little decoration crazy around the holidays ... I think she holds the Guiness World Record for largest snowman collection.
The front porch has two lawn snowmen, made of tin, wishing you Happy Holidays.
Upon entry through the front door, another smoking a pipe - this one is stuffed.
Some snowmen hold candles, some are stitched on throw pillows.
Some are of fabric, some glass, some of porcelain.
They're never alone though. Each one has a partner, or is part of a group ... like a gang that'll shank you while you sleep.
There's even a wooden snowman, all country-craft style on my headboard in the guest room.
I didn't sleep well with him watching me ... I made a note in my phone to remove him before bed tonight.

I'm sure the images I've described make the interior of my childhood home sound tacky ... that's not the case. It's cute ... everything falls w/in the country-craft decor. Maybe that's only a popular decorating technique in rural Iowa. I don't know ... but in neighboring communities, there are entire stores and shops dedicated to the stuff. Places so jam-packed with wooden signs w/ warm sayings (Live|Laugh|Love, 'Home is Where the Heart is,' 'It takes a lifetime to grow old friends) and my favorite - country stars.
Mom also holds the world record for most country stars in one house.
But it must be genetic to be obsessed w/ having the air around you drenched with aroma.
Multiple candles are flickering at all times. And almost every wall outlet has a Glade plug-in.
For those that know me, I too do this.

School was canceled this morning so all of us kids, Mom and Aunt Karie went to "Hey Jude's Cafe" for breakfast ... I had french toast and scrambled eggs ... saw my ladies at Studio 117 and got a haircut. Then we watched Mean Girls in the mini-van while Mom went grocery shopping.

There isn't soft enough snow to sled just yet, so those asshole weather people better get on their mark and make it snow.